Monday, October 25, 2004

I suppose I should explain.

Hey guys- sorry about the last post, I was a little freaked out, and kind of thought I was losing my mind a little.

I still do, but at least there is some record of that. It's funny, I always fancied myself a bit of a writer, but I never thought what I would end up writing would be as bizzare as this.

So, check it out.

Apparently, I was bitten by a werewolf, and when the moon is full, I will turn into an animal and start eating people. The bitch of it is, The Red Sox are in the motherfucking world series this week, and I'm gonna fucking miss it, just so I can run around eating motherfuckers.

Little joke there.

I'm still not sure I buy it.

You see, I was listening to the dead man's iPod, the one I got from the cops after I woke up in the hospital, (see first post) and there was this singer on it I've never heard of named Dan Reilly. I was curious, because a lot of the other stuff was bad early 80's pop, and a lot of the Cure. OK- if you like the Cure, fine, but it's just- well, I was raised right. Teen angst is just far better expressed through punk and metal, at least if you have a pair.

Anyway, just about everything else on the thing sucked, so I selected the first Dan Reilly track, which was called "Thief," and the following exchange went down. At first, I thought it was spoken word, as there was just a single male voice, with no music at all:

"Hey, Thief."

Then nothing.

"Yeah- you. You fucking thief. You stole my iPod."

What? (I thought)

"You heard me."

What the fuck is going on!? Am I going crazy?

"No, you're not crazy. You're a werewolf. And what is going on is you need to kill yourself."

Jesus, this music really sucked.

"This isn't music, dipshit. This is Dan. And you're listening to my iPod."

Who the fuck is Dan?

"Dan. Dan Reilly, you fucking cocksmoker. I died on the bridge last September. I was one of the lucky ones."

OK I'm crazy.

"You're not crazy."

I skipped the track back to the beginning.

"That won't work. It's all me."

I went forward three tracks.

"Still me."

I went back two tracks.

"Skip around all you want douchebag, I have something to say to you."

I put on the Cure.

"Oh- now Mr. Metalhead likes the Cure! I See how it is."

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! (That time I yelled out loud)

"What do I want? What do I want? I want to be able to rest. To get to heaven. And I can't while you're still alive."

There's a heaven? Wow!

"Well, not really, it's a long story- it's a cool place though. Long story, my great-grandfather is there, and I can shoot pool with him. It's pretty rad."


"Look- what I'm telling you is, until YOU die, I'm in this fucking limboland, and I can't get there. Plus, if you don't kill yourself, You will kill. And others will suffer as I am."

If by suffering, you mean living in a shitty iPod that's filled with nothing but Huey Lewis and the Cure? That does suck.

"Fuck you."

Fuck you!

"Look. This is important. Do you remember that homeless man who told you about the curse?"

Yeah- he was talking about baseball- the curse is over, the Sox beat the Yankees-

"The Sox beat the Yankees? In the playoffs? Holy shit!"

Oh, yeah, Dude! you should have seen it! It was fucking incredible- they were down 3 games to none and the came back to win four straight and the series!

"Fuck! I don't believe I missed that!"

It must suck being dead, huh?

"Tell me about it. By the way, the curse isn't about the Yankees, it's about the World Series."

Yeah, some dude in my comments mentioned something about that. Whatever, it was sweet to see 'em go down.

"Anyway, look I need to tell you something very, very important. You were bitten by a werewolf. You will become a werewolf. You need to..."

And then it just trailed off.

Holy fucking shit, the battery just died.

Dan? Dan- you there?


Now I gotta go to Mikey's hookup in the morning.


At 11:46 PM , Blogger The Unsomnambulist said...

Batteries always suck on iPods after a few months of heavy usage.
Hope Dan also left you a charger... cause those babies cost $50.


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