Wednesday, December 01, 2004

The third chapter

After I woke up by the river, I was beat.

I'm always a little wrecked after I change, but this was different. Normally most of my wounds heal up pretty good the day after, even bullets haven't been a problem in the past. Still, even if you're a werewolf, flipping over in a crowded bus, smashing through a windshield and being on fire for a good 3 minutes can take it out of you.

My first thought was wondering where the hell I was.

Once I remembered what went on, my second thought was about the kid.

Did I eat him?

I quickly looked around the riverbank for telltale body parts, and then remembered that I'd been on fire and ran. Hmm. Hope he's OK.

My third thought was just wondering where the hell I was, and how I was going to get home.

It's funny, there's a lot about being a werewolf that's a drag, but the "waking up naked not knowing where you are" part is still the most annoying. I mean, Jesus, I'm dealing with issues like murder, suicide, whether I should trust anyone with my secret, finding a cure if possible, and trying to pay my rent on top of it all, but it's pretty hard to start to tackle those issues when you realize that nobody's gonna pick up a hitchhiker with his dick out.

They're not really focusing on your thumb is all.

It's not that I'm really ashamed to be walking around naked, it just makes the first impression a little trickier. I wonder if women werewolves have that problem. I mean, I'm not saying that anybody is going to look GOOD after spending a night as a beast and waking up naked, unwashed and confused, I'm just saying that if I see a naked dude on the side of the road, I'm less curious about ways I might assist that guy.

I remembered that the street sign before the accident had said we were 45 miles out of New York, so I figured I was either a little ways upstate or in Northern New Jersey. There was nothing else to do, so I started walking south. I've gotten pretty good at directions these days- I guess all the looking up at the moon all the goddamn time has gotten me pretty well calibrated.

I found a local road and followed it into a town, ducking off in the brush when I heard cars coming. As I walked along, I came to a little strip mall thing that had a laundramat in it. I had an idea.

Striding proudly into the laundramat, still totally naked, I grabbed a box of Tide off a machine, covered my privates with it, turned my attention to the several patrons and workers who were busy with laundry and burst into song.

"Ohhhhhhhh- Sigma Pi, Sigma Pi, you are the ones for me! /I've come down here without my clothes as they're the best Fraternity! /Oh Sigma Pi, Sigma Pi I pledge my love for thee! /As awkward as this is for you/ imagine how it is for meeeeeee- Thank You! Thank you!"

I gestured outside the laudramat, ostensibly at the hidden frat brothers that were monitoring my performance, and took a brief bow to a few laughs and scattered applause around the laundramat.

"So- any of you guys have like, a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt for me?"

As it turned out, one guy was happy to loan me some clothes and let me use his cellphone to call a car service. My pay was still down at the video store, seeing as I hadn't picked it up Friday, so we drove straight there (which cost about 60 bucks- ouch), I paid the guy and worked a short shift.

For reasons obvious, I told them I was sick and headed back to the apartment where I wrote my saturday post.

What happened that night was what got me in the cage, which by the way, I'm getting rapidly tired of living in.

It's a long story- I'll do it tomorrow.


At 5:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

God! This story sucks ass!

At 3:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with you. This is the worst werewolf story ever. Even from an "everyman" point of view. Kill yourself Kirk. Bite your jugular out. Simple. Whatever to you whining bastards that will cry - stop reading it then waaaaaaaaaaaa! Screw you! It was out here, I read it, and I potsed what I thought. IT STINKS!


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