Talked to Dan on the iPod again today-
Dan? Dan? You there?
"Where the hell have you been?"
I was in LA.
"Los Angeles? What the hell for? You still looking for a cure?"
Well, no- actually, some dude wanted to talk to me about a movie deal.
"Oh, for God's sake."
It didn't come through.
"Well, maybe you can wait a couple of days and eat him. That ought to be pretty satisfying for you."
Look, I've been thinking- I don't think I want to kill myself. There's got to be another way.
"You want to wait until you kill somebody? Cause you will."
No, look- what I was wondering was about the naked guy who got shot on the bridge. Was that guy the werewolf that bit me?
"What does it matter?"
Well, I want to find out if he has any family, if he has any notes or diaries or anything- he might have been able to find out some way to cure this thing...
"Notes? Diaries? You think werewolves are real big note takers?"
Well- I've been doing this journal on a blog-
"What? A blog about a guy who got bit by a werewolf? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Actually, it's gotten quite popular- I got a link on memepool, and if metafilter picks it up I could-
"You're asinine. What happens when you commit a murder?"
Well that's just it- I'm not sure that I will.
"Really? Remember that night on the bridge? Did that beast really seem like someone you could reason with?"
Well how do I know that the werewolf that bit me wasn't kind of a dick before he turned into a wolf?
"Remember your cat, dickface?"
Well, yeah- but he you know- jumped out at me.
"OK- I get it, you'll be a docile werewolf, provided nobody startles you."
Look- I have another question. What about the other guy you were killed with? Where is he?
"Hmm. You mean, Jeff? That's a good question. Cause the cat's here with me know, but Jeff is nowhere around. Are you sure he died?"
Well, that's what the cops said, but I thought that everybody who got killed by a werewolf was somehow trapped in this iPod. And if he got bitten by a werewolf, and didn't die, that means that-
"He's one too."
Yeah.
"Hmm."
3 Comments:
Wait Wait Wait.
The other dude you were killed with, where is he? Kirk my man, that doesn't make a bleeding bit of sense. As well, I highly doubt that the people and cats killed in the making of this blog end up 'in' the iPod. They end up in a place and you chat with them via le iPod.
Anyhow, not to be antagonistic, but brother-man, you gots to get on the winning side of this little Q'n'A session. By this I mean, you need to have more answers than you do questions. Preferably before you chow down on your friends and neighbours, or start sharing the werewolf love. So to speak.
Kirk Diggler, saddle up. Figure that shit out.
Doesn't make sense?
This, from my very first entry:
"The cops said I wasn't the only one they found on the bridge, but I was the only one alive. Over on the Williamsburg side they found a couple of dead hipsters who got torn apart, and on the Manhattan side they found another dead guy, this one naked (!) who was all scratched up and had gotten shot a couple times."
As I see it, the naked guy was the werewolf that bit me, one of the hipsters is Dan, who I can hear in the iPod with Grapes. But what about Jeff, hotshot? Where is he?
And in terms of having more questions that answers- I apologise that I'm not a goddamn EXPERT on lycanthropy just yet- it's only been a couple of months. In case you didn't notice, the TITLE of this blog is still a question.
Maybe you should come back in a few months when the title has become "I'm totally confident and aware about everything that is happening to me. I have no fears anxieties, or worries about the fact that I become a monster every month."
Jesus, Christ.
Look, everybody just needs to calm down. Kirk - don't assume that Jeff is alive and a werewolf. He might be, but if you've only got a 5 or 10 gig iPod, there just may not be room for him there.
Also, what if he's alive and NOT a werewolf. Maybe he only got clawed or something. I don't know how it works with werewolves, really. But I can tell you this: Just because you're bitten by a vampire doesn't mean you instantly become one. Trust me on this. You're just a guy with a weird anemia and an inexplicable need to buy Cure albums.
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