I didn't win the lottery on Saturday.
I bought a ticket though.
I rarely buy lottery tickets because the disappointment I feel when I don't win far outweighs the enjoyment of anticipating a potential windfall. Still, every now and then- I'll buy one, usually when a total random impulse hits, and I feel like on some level that I had that impulse for a REASON, and if I ignore it, I could be throwing away millions.
And then I don't win.
Also, I know enough about myself that even if I were to buy a ticket on a regular basis, I would become so accustomed to losing that not only would it not bother me, but I would probably zone out on even checking the number every week. Then, I'd wake up one day and realize I have about 7 weeks worth of unchecked lottery tickets in my wallet and fly into a neurotic tizzy, convinced that if there were one person in the world who might actually have a winning lottery ticket and not know it, it would be me. I mean, really- I've been bitten by a goddamn werewolf for crying out loud, I beat the long odds on that one.
But I didn't win the lottery.
They say, by the odds, that you are more likely to be struck by lightning AND attacked by a shark than you are to win the lottery. When I heard that, I always fantasized about that one poor son of a bitch who bought a lottery ticket, went swimming, and just as a giant shark was rising from the depths, jaws agape, the guy gets fried by a bolt of lightning. As the shark attacks, biting off both of the man's legs, the electricity surges through them both, killing the shark instantly, and setting it on fire, drawing the attention of a nearby rescue boat. After waking up in his hospital bed, the man rolls over, attempts to scratch the killer itch in his phantom limbs, and all of a sudden remembers his lottery ticket.
Frantically calling for the doctor to get his wallet, he retrieves the ticket, along with the day's paper listing the winning number and the poor asshole gets 3 out of 6 numbers, missing the bonus ball number by one.
Too bad, shithead- looks like the odds weren't with you.
I'm getting depressed again.