Saturday, February 12, 2005

OK- so here's the deal:

I've been thinking more and more about the idea of biting someone, and although I have gotten some responses, I feel like people might need some more information in order to make a well informed decision.

Therefore, I have decided to present the following list of pros and cons about being a werewolf:

Pro: When transformation occurs, you get an overwhelming sense of power.
Con: You want to eat people.

Pro: Side effects when not transformed include heighted sense of smell and reversal of any hair loss.
Con: You pretty much piss all over everything you own.

Pro or Con: You like to walk around naked a lot. (this could be either pro or con depending on your thoughts vis-a-vis nakedness. I'm firmly in the "pro" camp, but God knows how you were raised.)

Pro: When transformed, you get bigger, stronger and faster.
Con: You will use this enhanced power not to fight crime or clean up around the house, but to eat people. Or animals. To date, I've eaten a cat a moose, and some pretty big chunks of a dude from New Jersey.

Pro: If you are, like I was, somewhat unmotivated and in need of some routine, you will find that needing to keep track of the cycles of the moon will add a certain amount of structure to your life.
Con: That structure revolves not around something conventional, like steady employment, or a long term relationship, but the more unconventional, AKA falling to all fours, growing a shaggy coat of hair and a tail, sprouting claws and fangs, and losing yourself in a blood orgy of pure fury. If this is the only "pro" that appeals to you, I'd say for now, get a temp job, and see if that doesn't add a little structure. Career Blazers isn't bad. Ask for Diane.

Pro: You will be different from most everybody else on this planet, which can help build identity.
Con: Your identity will be "turns into a wolf and commits murder guy" which might not be what you are looking for.

Pro: It only happens three days a month
Con: It happens EVERY month for the rest of your life. You know, like herpes. But hairier.

Pro: You will feel healthier and more athletic with every passing day.
Con: You will probably cease to enjoy time-honored pop tunes like "Fly me to the Moon" and Hollywood films like "Moonstruck" as the connotations tend to bring your mind elsewhere.

Pro: You get to write a blog from a unique perspective that no one has ever seen before.
Con: Well, actually- I guess now it wouldn't be all that unique. I mean, I kinda beat you to that one. Sorry, dude.

Pro: While transformed, you can get shot in the head and pretty much be OK the next day.
Con: You are more likely to have someone want to shoot you in the head.



OK- I guess that's a decent enough list for now.

Last call- any takers?

Or questions?

Let's hear 'em!

14 Comments:

At 8:06 PM , Blogger Ben said...

OK, I still wanna be a werewolf. True, it is unconventional for a priest to be a werewolf. I don't know how accurate werewolf movies are, but usually the priest is trying to kill the werewolf, right? Like, with a cross and holy water and stuff (or is that just vampires...)? Anyways, I think if I were a werewolf I could make serious strides in the furthering of werewolf/clergy relations. Besides, if I spend twenty-five days per lunar cycle saving peoples' souls and only three trying to eat them, on balance God should still be pretty happy with me.

I do have a potential problem though. I am a vegan. Kind of like a hardcore vegetarian. I not only don't eat meat, I don't eat stuff that comes from meat either: no cheese, no eggs, no leather clothing. It's an ethical thing. I'm wondering how that's going to work out with the whole werewolf thing. Are there any vegan werewolves? I mean, it's been so long since I've eaten meat that the smell off a grill doesn't even make me hungry anymore. It is possible that when I change I'll just be really, really hungry for some tofu? It wouldn't be much fun to hunt tofu, so it wouldn't fulfill those wolf instincts, but once you're used to it it really does satisfy. Just wondering.

 
At 10:05 PM , Blogger Jereme said...

Kirk, be responsible. Bite Johnny Damon.

 
At 10:05 PM , Blogger Jereme said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Big question: How on Earth do you think you could just bite someone, rather than say... bite, dismember, disembowel and have them for a midnight snack?

I mean, what happened to you was a fluke, right? The one that bit you was shot dead, but I highly doubt they were thinking: "Wow, If I just nip him here, I might have a pack mate for that special time each month. We could go to swap meets together and stuff."

And do you know if you have to bite them? Maybe a scratch would work. Maybe saliva alone would do the trick (transmissable infectious agent ala 28 Days Later and all that).

I'm just wondering how you'll orchestrate it without having to deal with the whole "oops, that's another missing person's report for the city"-type deal...

 
At 1:35 AM , Anonymous Rey said...

Wow, first gays, now werewolves. What is the Episcopalian church coming to? ;)

 
At 2:56 AM , Anonymous Jeremy said...

Maybe he could bite someone in human form. Why not? He's a werewolf regardless of whether or not it's showing...

As for being a werewolf... I dunno. It'd build character, but it's not the kind of thing I'd go looking for. If it was thrust upon me, yeah, I'd deal with it, but I just can't see myself choosing to be bit.

And as far as companionship goes, if you want to pick someone who you could relate to and hang with indefinitely, picking trolls off your blog who read memepool is not the way to go.

 
At 10:12 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

well im not sure about the whole bite thing but i know i would any chance to get bitten if it means ill have some company. and im not so sure i'll like that ipod dude if i got bit. and i already have a list of people who should die!!!
ANYWAY i read this whole thing to my friends and we agree that you eating your cat is sad. i have a lot more if you want on. just put it in a eoom to itself and hope you dont tear that door it those cuffs break.

i have benn looking at becoming a werewolf and there are many ways so al those people that want to be one can find another way to become one. :)

 
At 12:49 PM , Blogger tigerkitty810 said...

well since you dont have a cat anymore maby a dog would last longer. im not tryng ti poke fun but you probly wont it is all. i have about 11 dogs at my house you could choes from. we dont need them all. just a thought.

and im up for the whole getting bit i need someone to ralk to but you are much older than me.


by about 16 years!!

but i wouldnt mind. a good place to be wen you change, a horse stall. they are meant to hold 1,000 lb animals and keep them in so just a though , agin. just dont eat the horses.

i know im crazy long story u kinda explied it in a nother blog about that movi and the werewolf fight.

any hoo i hope you read this and i might keep reading. depends on how my father feels.

 
At 5:16 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You want questions?

1. Because it sounds like you seem to have accepted your situation, does this mean you are not hoping and/or will not search for a "cure" anymore?

2. What makes you think that whomever you make into a werewolf will not decide to leave you all alone and go their own way, much like everyone else in your life (except those connected to your life by family or work, and Dan to a point) since you've been bitten?

3. Are you limiting yourself to just one perfect candidate like fantasy-Bruce was, or do you want a whole pack of enraged and ravenous murderers howling at the moon with you?

4. Is there anything that *doesn't* change when you shift into your wolf form?

5. Who'd win between the Superbowl XX Bears vs the Superbowl XXXIX Patriots?

:)

 
At 2:40 PM , Anonymous Chris said...

I am really interested in being a werewolf and I don't live that far away from you. I know where Bedford is.

 
At 3:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

please help,i am scared,i'm changeing in a weird way.one of my hands sudonly was biger and rounder then the other not only that i am healing at a real fast rate i made cuts on my arm and they didnt bleed and i bit so hard on were the cuts are that i and my friends herd crunch when i bit down and i still didnt bleed and then the cuts healed w/in a min of when i cut. my friends are healing fast but not as fast as me.my eyes have been turning a yellowish color all weeks sense my 16th b-day 3/15/05...i was not bitten by anything of a werewolf...you have 2 tell me what is happening...the full moon is in 3days i can feel it like i always have.i have also been getting cravings 4 blood/sexual or that i want a guy so bad that i just wanna tear them 2 pecies.2 of my friends are going through the same thing that i am but theres are not as bad.me and my friend were also having a hard time breathing in this time.if u email me back or something i cannt have my mom see it or she'll think i am crazy...PLEASE i beg you HELP ME...!my name is Evey and i need your help.

 
At 3:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

please help,i am scared,i'm changeing in a weird way.one of my hands sudonly was biger and rounder then the other not only that i am healing at a real fast rate i made cuts on my arm and they didnt bleed and i bit so hard on were the cuts are that i and my friends herd crunch when i bit down and i still didnt bleed and then the cuts healed w/in a min of when i cut. my friends are healing fast but not as fast as me.my eyes have been turning a yellowish color all weeks sense my 16th b-day 3/15/05...i was not bitten by anything of a werewolf...you have 2 tell me what is happening...the full moon is in 3days i can feel it like i always have.i have also been getting cravings 4 blood/sexual or that i want a guy so bad that i just wanna tear them 2 pecies.2 of my friends are going through the same thing that i am but theres are not as bad.me and my friend were also having a hard time breathing in this time.if u email me back or something i cannt have my mom see it or she'll think i am crazy...PLEASE i beg you HELP ME...!my name is Evey and i need your help.

 
At 3:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

please help,i am scared,i'm changeing in a weird way.one of my hands sudonly was biger and rounder then the other not only that i am healing at a real fast rate i made cuts on my arm and they didnt bleed and i bit so hard on were the cuts are that i and my friends herd crunch when i bit down and i still didnt bleed and then the cuts healed w/in a min of when i cut. my friends are healing fast but not as fast as me.my eyes have been turning a yellowish color all weeks sense my 16th b-day 3/15/05...i was not bitten by anything of a werewolf...you have 2 tell me what is happening...the full moon is in 3days i can feel it like i always have.i have also been getting cravings 4 blood/sexual or that i want a guy so bad that i just wanna tear them 2 pecies.2 of my friends are going through the same thing that i am but theres are not as bad.me and my friend were also having a hard time breathing in this time.if u email me back or something i cannt have my mom see it or she'll think i am crazy...PLEASE i beg you HELP ME...!my name is Evey and i need your help.

 
At 3:31 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

please help,i am scared,i'm changeing in a weird way.one of my hands sudonly was biger and rounder then the other not only that i am healing at a real fast rate i made cuts on my arm and they didnt bleed and i bit so hard on were the cuts are that i and my friends herd crunch when i bit down and i still didnt bleed and then the cuts healed w/in a min of when i cut. my friends are healing fast but not as fast as me.my eyes have been turning a yellowish color all weeks sense my 16th b-day 3/15/05...i was not bitten by anything of a werewolf...you have 2 tell me what is happening...the full moon is in 3days i can feel it like i always have.i have also been getting cravings 4 blood/sexual or that i want a guy so bad that i just wanna tear them 2 pecies.2 of my friends are going through the same thing that i am but theres are not as bad.me and my friend were also having a hard time breathing in this time.if u email me back or something i cannt have my mom see it or she'll think i am crazy...PLEASE i beg you HELP ME...!my name is Evey and i need your help.

 

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