I went to that occult bookstore today.

I guess I just figured that if the guy knew anything, it'd be worth checking out.

I went to down to this place called creation books, hoping that the guy who worked there would be willing to talk.

Jesus, was he.

I found that this bookstore seemed a little more focused on bizarre sex and true crime, which I guess is fine, but when I ask for a book about werewolves, I'd rather not have to hear the hard sell for a book about auto-erotic asphyxiation featuring a guy who died after chaining himself naked to the bumper of a moving Volkswagen.

And no, I'm not kidding on that one.

He was an airline pilot.

Those dudes have a lot of stress, I guess.

I ended up taking home a book by Anton Levey entitled "The Devil's Notebook."

I bought it because it had a chapter called "How to Become a Werewolf."

His idea was that all people are both hunters and victims, so if you want to become a werewolf, you need to go to a spooky place, allow yourself to be terrified, thus infusing the place with the energy of expended fear. Then you come back, and own it, I guess, transforming your fear into power.

So far, I'm on board- the bridge was a scary place, and I certainly expended some energy out there.

Anyway, here's what comes next, and I quote:

Enter the area you know to be trauma-producing with the fullest intention of being frightened. Allow yourself to be frightened. If necessary wear articles of clothing conducive to the most submissive or vulnerable image. "Accidental" victims are always thus attired. Get the feel of the place as a victim, allowing yourself to be as frightened as you can. If you can supplement your fear with a sexually stimulating feeling, so much the better. Allow yourself to virtually shake apart with fear and if possible, attain an orgasm by whatever means may be necessary, for this will make your subsequent lycanthropic changeover easier.

Oh, for God's sake.

I'm looking for some real fucking information here, and this bald jackass is telling me to go jerk off in the woods?

Fuck this.

Cop Rock is on Trio right now.

I'm gonna go watch it.