Thursday, January 06, 2005

Alright guys-

- now look.

I wouldn't normally post at this time, but I'll be honest with you. It's late at night, I'm a little drunk, and I'm more than a little upset at one of the commenters of late.

A couple entries ago, the one that described the werewolf arena fight, someone mentioned that Jeff's stripes would make him a were-skunk.

Cool, OK- I'm down with that, whatever-

THEN, some other dude chimes in with:
"But then, of course, the African were-skunk is non-migratory."

Look people.

I know that I am doing a blog about being a werewolf, and that is going to appeal to a certain nerdy element within the internet community. I'm fine with that, I'm a bit of a geek myself, and I can handle it.

However, I'd like to take this space to say that if there is going to be some nerd shit out there- can we hold off on the Holy Grail references?

That's some weak-ass nerd shit right there. I mean, like that's some shit that like, 9 year old nerds can bring.

If you're going to bring the nerd shit from now on, BRING THE REAL NERD SHIT.

None of this "Tis a flesh wound!" garbage.

Fuck that.

If you're going to bring that tired shit , the only thing you'll be trying to chop down with "a herring" is my fat dick. Seriously, if you're coming to my door with a Holy Grail reference, you should go back to nerd school, cause you failed. In fact you're such a shitty nerd, maybe you should pick up a Lacrosse stick, cause I bet you're pretty good at it, you just never tried before. Whatever, you're not a nerd. And if you are, FUCK, do you suck at it.

Been there, done the Holy Grail thing, way back in Mrs Windhol's third grade classroom.

Wanna reference Star Wars? Go nuts. Buffy? What the hell. Throw a Slap Shot reference in there- I'm as good to go as Hanrahan's wife . Lord of the Rings? Sketchy, but I'll allow it. Fuck, make a Zooskool reference! According to my sitemeter, 15 people a day come to this site on google searches for Zooskool alone!

Zooskool, for fuck's sake!

In case you don't know, that's a site featuring graphic pictures of people having sex with animals. And sorry, you're not getting a link. If you want to see it, you'll have to go ahead and google it yourself, dog-fucker. And when you do, THIS site will come up in your search.

Yeesh.

Still, I understand why, I mean, I turn into an animal sometimes, and I have sexual relations with other humans. The guy who put the link in wasn't doing something totally unrelated to the topic at hand. Still, it's worth clearing up. I do have sex with women, but ONLY when I'm human as well. Never when I'm an animal. I suppose if I WAS horny when I was a werewolf, I'd be capable of it, I mean, damn- I don't have a hell of a lot of control over what I do when I change, but the fact is, plain and simple, when I turn into a werewolf, sex is the farthest thing from my mind.

If you want me to break down the emotions I do feel, I can. Here goes:

-Hunger
-Rage

That's about it. Occasionally, pain enters into the equation, but never really fear- just rage, discomfort with the pain, and dealing with that discomfort with rage. You know, unless I get hungry again.

Come to think of it, I'm hungry now.

I think I'm gonna go make a grilled cheese.

I'll tell you about werewolf training tomorrow.

And lay off the Holy Grail shit, OK?

I mean, fuck- The Holy Grail?

For crying out loud.
 



9 Comments:

At 1:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so damn funny.

- Kyria

 
At 2:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nerd Shit? Bring the Nerd Shit? WTF Jeff, you some sorta l337 hax0r werewolf now? How about I build a killer robot then I hack the firmware on your ipod and pull Dan out, load him up into the robot so he can kick your ass. You savvy with that nerd shit?

/rant

I'm loving the blog, even this post which may have sent me into a rage. Keep it up.

 
At 5:02 PM , Blogger Kirk said...

Now that's what I'm talking about!

This last comment is the kind of nerd stuff I love for two reasons:

1) It's obscure, and references computer hackers, which is varsity nerdy. Good work.

2) It calls me Jeff, which is wrong. The name's Kirk, which adds a wonderful touch of awkwardness and embarrassment to the intended righteous indignation, which nerdwise, really blasts it off the charts.

Keep it up people.

 
At 1:44 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ya, sorry about the zooskool thing, man. I read about it on Memepool and thought well, you know... it sort of made a little sense. But hey, it's all good and whatnot.

-mpb

 
At 10:35 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kirk, aren't nerds mostly socially awkward by nature? ;-)

 
At 3:55 PM , Blogger Kirk said...

No- not ALL nerds are socially awkward by nature.

People who use emotiocons, on the other hand...

 
At 4:15 PM , Blogger winnerofthesat said...

Do werewolves have email addresses?

 
At 4:55 PM , Blogger Kirk said...

Well, I can't speak for ALL werewolves, but c'mon, dude- it's the 21st century. They probably do. Vampires, on the other hand, are the most anachronistic bitches in the realm of the supernatural. I don't think those crusty old fucks have even figured out electiric typewriters yet.

In case you want to drop me a line, my email is whatishappeningtome@hotmail .com

 
At 5:17 PM , Blogger —J said...

Actually, nerds are socially inept, by definition. I think you're refering to geeks, which are nerds with social skills. Ben Affleck is a self confessed nerd.

Of course, I got those definitions from Wikipedia. If that doesn't make me a geek/nerd, I don't know what does.

 

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