Sunday, January 16, 2005

How 'bout those Pats!


What a game.

From beginning to end, top to bottom, the New England Patriots treated Peyton Manning like the candy-ass, crybaby, really-good-when-he's-winning-by-20 motherfucker he is.

Of course, the victory celebration was only enhanced by the senusal full body massage I recieved after the game by three purebloods resembling a modern day Kate Frost, a late 70's Marilyn Chambers and early 80's Jacklyn Smith. I'd give you some links, but I'm still a little logy.

I'll tell ya, it's hard to make a decision on which one of these women I'm going to impregnate when they keep shifting forms on me. Of course, the problems I'm having now are not the worst problems I've ever had.

I haven't seen Mickey around. I've been distracted a bit I guess, but still- I usually see him everyday, and today, he's been nowhere.

Whatever- there are some new Family Guy's on tonight, and even though the Simpson's are sucking, I'm glad to have a break to do this update and figure out what I want the purebloods to look like when I go to bed tonight.

The next full moon is January 25th, which means I can watch the Pittsburgh game, and if they pull it off, I could watch the Pats in the Super Bowl. I'm not sure if you know what that means to me, but let's remember- I MISSED THE FUCKING RED SOX WINNING THE WORLD SERIES.

Yeah, it's awesome that they won it- but you know where I was when Foulke fielded that one hopper to the mound?

I was covered in hair, raging around a Brooklyn apartment, with a dead cat in my mouth.

It's just not a traditional "where were you when" story, ya know?

And now, I'm going to have the chance to see a Boston sports team going for a championship, and even though I have this- affliction- I know I can live with it, and actually look forward to a life and a future beyond the next full moon.

That is a confidence I haven't felt in almost half a year.

I feel great.


At 1:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great. It's real good to see that you're getting a nice self-esteem boost.

What's a little death and mayhem as long as you can feel good about yourself?

Do not kid yourself. The death of every man, woman, and child who was on that bus is your fault.

Do not kid yourself. You are not simply having harmles and enviable sexual liasons here. You are breeding a new generation of monsters to terrorize the human race.

Do not kid yourself. Bruce's intentions for you are not benign. He will use you as he sees fit, and people will die.

Do not kid yourself with your social darwinist, pseudo intellectual, freshman philosophy bullshit. You weren't a monster when you started this. You weren't a monster (figuratively) after you became a monster (literally).

But, Kirk, you're becoming a monster now. Dan was right, you should have killed yourself before you grew comfortable with the fact that you are a killing machine.

At 11:34 AM , Blogger Jereme said...

Fuck the Pats, man... The only satisfaction I'll get is watching the Steelers handle them by a mere 3 points. It's too bad that the next game doesn't fall on the evening of a full moon. I'd pitch in for your tickets.

At 11:40 AM , Blogger —J said...

+slaps dickhead+
Shut up.

Kirk isn't responsible for what he did. I do have a hard time draing the parallel between Frankenstien and werewolves, though. I will reiterate my position that things are far too easy. What happens after you impregnate them? What will Alyssa say?

At 6:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is he not responsible? Because he was "real sad" before he did it?

Bullshit. Kirk, do the right thing and end this.

-The Dickhead

At 10:35 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That game was fucking awesome. I can't believe that they not only pulled it off but utterly destroyed Peyton. I hope the Patriots can forgive me for doubting them for even a second. If we win the Super Bowl, I'LL howl, and I'm not even a damn werewolf. Though I have to disagree with the Dickhead - ya can't be a bad werewolf, no matter how many people ya eventually might kill, if you're a Boston sports nut sticking it out in Brooklyn.


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