Monday, January 17, 2005

I saw Bruce today

It wasn't the best visit.

I stopped by his quarters cause I wanted to tell him about Mickey sniffing around my stuff.

When I walked in, he seemed to be nowhere around. No scent, no sign no nothing. Then, out of nowhere, came a hand on my shoulder.

"Kirk. You've come."

I whirled around to face him, visibly startled- "Oh- uh, hey Bruce, look- I"

"I startled you. No matter. I was hiding my presence from you. In time, you will learn to do the same. It will benefit you when you face me."

"I am facing you."

"No no, I mean FACE ME face me. Like, in the ring."

"Oh. Yeah. Look, anyway, I have this probl-"

"Mickey."

"Yeah. Um- how'd you?"

"There is little that goes on here that I am not completely aware of. Who is Kate Frost by the way? I'd never heard of her."

"Oh, man- she's dynamite- this cute little blonde with.. wait- I had something I wanted to say- it's..umm, it's Mickey. He was- "

"In your room. I know."

"Yeah- you see I-"

"You smelled him."

"Yes!"

That must have made you feel powerful."

"Yeah, totally!"

"Well good, you're making progress."

"Yeah- I guess. I mean, sure but why-"

"Why would he enter your space?"

"Yeah."

"Does it matter?"

"Well, yeah- I mean, that's my room, and"

"He's a human. You are not. Do not distract yourself with insignificant gnats. Do you want to kill him? You can, you'll need a victim on this full moon."

"Wait- a victim?" My head was swimming.

"Yes. Now don't think just now. You're probably hungry."

"Yeah, I am- I could really go for-"

"One of these?"

He walked to the corner of his chamber, and pulled a tablecloth off a rolling room service cart. On it was a plate containing a grilled Ham and Cheese, fries and can of coke.

"Wow! Yeah! Solid, thanks!"

I headed over for the food.

"Jeez- you know everything." I took a bite, and it was delicious. "By the way, do you have any idea how the Pats are going to do against the Steelers next week? Wait- don't tell me I kinda wanna..."

"Ahem. I believe the Patriots, with Corey Dillon elevating their ground game, Troy Brown playing well on both sides of the ball, Tom Brady's skill and experience leading his team down the field in big games and the frankly lethal accuracy that Adam Vinatieri brings to the field in any weather, I think you don't want to count the Pats out. The Steelers are formidable, but Rothlesburger is a rookie, and frankly, they had a really hard time with the Jets. Pats by 13."

"Oh. Well- hmm. OK then. Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Did you have any other questions?"

"No. I guess- I mean...no. Thanks."

"Enjoy your sandwich."

When I looked up, he was gone.

Did he say victim?

6 Comments:

At 9:15 PM , Blogger Jereme said...

Roethlesberger doesn't know how to lose in the NFL. Tom Brady is a bitch. He's going to take it like a bitch.

 
At 12:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Victim? Who cares about victims?

Man, that Bruce could, like, grab all the money in the betting pool me and my friends have. So he needs a little blood every so often... he wants something, but he gives so much, man!

 
At 8:12 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're going to have to face Bruce in the ring?

It was nice knowing you, Kirk...

 
At 12:54 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"There is little that goes on here that I am not completely aware of..."

So, he knows of your love for grilled cheese, then he must know about this blog. If he knows and hasn't raged on you, then it must be okay. Soo... Alyssa had no right to freak out. It's always nice to know you were right in the end.

Anyway, I was wondering, what happened to that dude in the ipod? Does Bruce know about that kind of phenomenon? Does he have a recommendation on how to get your cat his eternal rest? Is there any hope for you, or are you pretty much fubar? Are you going to have to pay for your victim's later?

But all that aside, glad things are going well so far. Give the girls a spankin' for me.

-LCH

 
At 2:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The "cock" ring.

 
At 11:07 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude! Bruce BETTER be right. About the game that is, not the whole victim thing. That sounds uncomfortable.

 

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