Friday, April 29, 2005

The cow-

Is seriously starting to stink up the joint.

I tried to get it down the stairs, and guess what?

That little folk tale is true.

You can't get a cow down the stairs. They just stand there.
I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do.

It won't fit in the elevator, and I'm not bright enough to be able to figure out a pulley system to get it out the window.

I mean, maybe it's for the best- if I do change on the next moon, I'm going to need something to eat, but Jesus. I'm kind of screwed right now.

I asked Scott and Chandler what they thought, and Scott said that unless the cow was actually a man who transforms into a cow due to a combination of mystical and physiological factors, it really wasn't their specialty.


In terms of everyone saying that I shouldn't trust these guys, I know- but the vibe I'm getting is a helpful one, even if I do occasionally feel like they look at me as somewhat less than a man and more of an lab animal.

If they can help me understand what is happening to me, and perhaps use what is going on to help establish a cure for others, well honestly, I can live with being treated like I'm under a microscope from time to time.

Later today, I go into what they call "The Interview."

I'm going to be sitting in a room with Alyssa, Scott, Chandler, and Cameron, and they ask me a series of questions based on my activity over the past few months.

Who knows?

Maybe it could help.

Still, I'd be a lot happier if there was some goddamn hockey on TV. If I'm not mistaken, we'd be in the middle of the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs around now.


I'll let you guys know how it goes.


At 11:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know how you'd feel about this, but have you considered killing the cow, cutting it into manageable pieces and selling it to a butcher? I mean, you were going to eat it anyway, and this way you could even get some return on the money you spent for it.

Of course, I'm pretty sure you'd want to spread a tarp down before killing it. And make some sort of deal with the butcher before it dies. (Because I don't claim to know how these things work, but I don't think most people will just take meat from a stranger that suddenly shows up with a wheelbarrow full of chopped up cow.)

If the butcher thing doesn't work out, you could always freeze the meat, or maybe even give it away to friends. If people are willing to buy beef mail order, then anything's possible.

As for your other problems, though, I can't even BEGIN to think of helpful advice. So I'll just wish you good luck, Kirk. Good luck.

At 3:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe if Alyssa, et al, can figure out why you didn't change, then maybe they can figure out a way to force a change. Then, the werewolf girl could change and eat the fucking cow.

At 6:25 PM , Blogger Onyxwolf said...

Dont worry about it. You will soon be turning into a werewolf at night soon eghnough. It happens to every were a one point in time.

Oh and before I forget there is a way to transform without a fullmoon.

At 12:16 AM , Blogger Onyxwolf said...

Kirk wrote: Jesus-
I ask who wants to be a werewolf, and I get 100 "furries" and an Episcopal priest.

C'mon people, I'm not writing a bar joke, I'm seeing who wants change in their lives.


Nobody else wants to be a werewolf?

Well if I was not one all ready I would.


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