Monday, April 11, 2005

I didn't do much today.

Kicked around, did some writing, ordered my cow online and started to stress over my taxes.

I wonder if there is some kind of magic affliction like the one I have where you get bit by a crazed accountant, and on the first full moon before tax day, you fall to the floor, start screaming uncontrollably, and transform into a CPA.

Like, the most viscious combination of man and accountant ever. A supernatural beast that can run, jump, and motherfucking deduct ANYTHING.

That'd be better than what I am.

I mean shit, under the right conditions I can decapitate a moose without even thinking about it, but itemizing deductions thing is a bitch.

I wish I could get paid for this.

Hell, I could have written off the cow.


At 4:31 AM , Anonymous Hunter Dane said...

I've been meaning to ask...

How, exactly, does one order livestock online and get it delivered.

At 9:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

TurboTax, man. Seriously worth the $40 for the time it saves you to go porn surfing.

Also the cow (and the pig) would probably count as a medical expense. If anyone complains, helpfully change for the auditor. If they survive the event you get the deduction. If they don't survive the event you get a cool Weekly World News article.

Then again, if you accidentally bit them in the process that would be doubleplusungood. "Some of the time he's a fiend who thirsts for human blood. But once a month this IRS agent is also a werewolf."

At 1:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't you just write "Beast" all over your taxes and get a write-off?


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