Thursday, April 14, 2005


I'm either really awesome, or you guys just weren't looking that hard.

It's close to three in the morning, and I'm watching Northern Exposure on, I think- the Hallmark channel. It's odd that such a great show is on such a pussy-ass channel.

It's the one where Maggie turns 30, and goes on a river trip where she has a fever dream due to an inflamed appendix and sees visions of all her dead ex-boyfriends, hanging around and eating at a picnic table.

First of all, how great is that, to have a show where the female lead's boyfriends keep dying?

One of the boyfriends was played by Patrick Warburton, whose birthday party I got to go to last year in LA. There's an entry about it somewhere, but I'm too tired to fuck around with links right now.

It was a kick to see him all young, and he did well, but it kind of throws a wet blanket on your escapism when you're just trying to lie on the couch, drain a few Yuenglings and zone out with a show that takes place on the shores of a river in Alaska when all of a sudden you see a guy and say- "Hey- I've been to his birthday party."

Which honestly, was sort of what the episode was about.

That's the scene you don't get in the werewolf movies.

They just kinda seque through most of the off month. Actually, come to think of it, you usually don't get an off month in werewolf movies. You get the bite, the denial, the transformation, and then he's pretty much dead by the third transformation. I skipped out on that step. I guess I was lucky.

I wonder if the dude in American Werewolf in London (had he managed to find a cage to crash in) would have ended up like me. It's strange. I just find myself having a hard time really embracing the future with this. It's not worth killing myself- I mean, Jesus- there are a lot of great things in the world, and if I can keep this thing contained, which I've mostly been able to do- well then, fuck- why should I die before I see the Bruins win the cup?

It does make relationships hard.

I mean, when is the right time to explain to someone that you are a werewolf?

I mean, with sex- the 3rd date rule is a good fallback, but damn, admitting you have lycanthropy?

That would take longer.

Maybe it's a month- you know, that way you can say- "Hey baby- we've been going out awhile- and you know how I said I couldn't see you for the past three days? Well check out this almanac."

I suppose I shouldn't be bitching about it, I haven't even met anybody.

Still, it'd be good to have a plan.


At 4:17 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beast's don't need plans. Be impulsive, it's better for you.

At 12:03 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kirk, I'm telling you... I think you need to plan a vacation to Scotland and hook up with that werewolf babe.

At 1:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you might be surprised what women will accept in a man. Especially if he promises to be a beast in the sack. Put it out there, you might be surprised what you get back.

At 2:43 PM , Anonymous Rhonda said...

HAHAHAHAHA the anonymous post regarding what women will accept in a man, especially if he promises to be a "beast in the sack", is both amusing and true...

So, good for you, Kirk! Go out and bag a hottie!

At 2:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might wish to consider whether lycanthropy can be sexually transmitted. (Hey, it was in "Ginger Snaps").

At 1:16 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Anonyous Number Two is singin' my song. That's what I've said for the last few posts!

Any chance you'd even consider it?


At 10:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

For some reason, I was thinking "Thriller" when you mentioned trying to explain to your girlfriend what you're "not like other guys".

At 4:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

When should you tell someone?! ...Hell, I think it would make a pretty good pick up line.

"Hey baby, I'm a mystical, supernatural monster, thought for centuries to exist only in legend."

Except don't actually say "hey baby." That's just gonna make you look dumb.

At 11:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then the Anne Rice wannabe dumps you, because your a werewolf, instead of a vampire. Wolves get no respect. At least you dont have to be fashion conscious.


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