Thursday, February 17, 2005

I was upset before-

-Now I'm furious.

I know that this blog has been a place where profane language has been used and enjoyed, but I'm furious about this goddamn NHL cancellation, so for those of a delicate sensibility, I'm telling you that I'm not holding back here.

If you are less pissed off than I am, I recommend you move on before I directly address Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow, the NHL commissioner and NHL Player's Union Head.


Dear Gary and Bob,

I hope you guys realize what you have done.

You have destroyed our sport.

To come so close, and to not get a deal done, to put the future of the National Hockey League in Jeopardy, to deny fans the spectacle of the winning of Lord Stanley's Cup for the first time in 86 years, especially when a deal was so close, you deserve nothing less than a vigorous throat-fucking from the dead penis of Louis Sutter.

You dispicable, moneygrubbing assholes not only deserve the violence and humilation of the act, but let's be honest here, that guy's dick has done more for hockey in the span of time it takes to shoot 6 loads than you could do in 6 lifetimes. If even a microscopic, decaying neutrino of what that man possessed were to rub off in your mouths as you choked on him, it would represent an introduction of integrity that exceeded anything you have ever possessed by several orders of magnitude.

Fuck you and your money.

And as the taste of decaying cock causes you to gag on your own rising bile, know that whatever vile acids your bodies produce to combat the sensation, they pale in comparison to the awful taste your shameful performance has left in the mouths of hockey fans everywhere.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have sports to watch, and by sports, I mean 14 straight hours of baseball steriod gossip and 87 totally useless college basketball games.

Go fuck yourselves,

Kirk Thomson


At 10:54 AM , Anonymous Chip Unicorn said...

Remember, if you bite Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow, to eat enough of them that they don't come back as werewolves.

At 11:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...


That post was absolutely inspired. One of your best ever. Well done. You are now an honorary Canadian.

At 6:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo Kirk-
You must send a copy of that to the NHL and NHLPA offices and every major news outlet. I never though I would hear the words "throat fucking" used in such a poetic fashion. Did you read Bettman and Goodnow's "letters" to each other? Goddnow killed any chance at a deal with his "you will recieve nothing more from us" line.

what a cock

At 2:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Game on?


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