Friday, March 11, 2005

Sick.

My head is filled with every kind of mucus known to man and wolf.

Jesus, my mouth tastes more disgusting than I can remember, and you're talking to a guy who once woke up in the woods with a mouthful of moose intestines dangling from his chin.

I feel like death.

I'm gonna go eat some beef stew and watch Deadwood. I started the DVD's of season 1 yesterday, and am facinated by how many cowboys are saying "cocksucker." I didn't know that cowboys said "cocksucker." I mean, they very well might have, but I wasn't aware of it, maybe because I've never seen a western where they say cocksucker a lot.

Still, it's working for me, once I got over the initial shock of it. It kind of makes me wish that more classic westerns had cowboys saying "cocksucker." By the way "Cowboys Saying Cocksucker" is my new favorite indie rock band. They have a new album out on Matador, I think.

In fact, I'm so entranced by the idea of cowboys saying cocksucker, that I have for you, reproduced some lines of dialogue from classic westerns, with cocksucker added. I think you'll appreciate the additions. I certainly do:

From The Good, The Bad and the Ugly:

Man with No Name (Clint Eastwood) : "You see, in this world there's two kinds of cocksuckers, my friend: Cocksuckers with loaded guns and cocksuckers who dig. You dig."

From True Grit:

Mattie Ross (Kim Darby) : Who's the best Marshall they have?
Sheriff (John Ducette) : Bill Waters is the best tracker. The meanest one is Cocksucker Cogburn, a pitiless man, double tough, fear don't enter into his thinking. I'd have to say L.T. Quinn is the straightest, he brings his prisoners in alive.
Mattie Ross: Where would I find this Cocksucker?

From The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance:

[Valance (Lee Marvin) has tripped Rance (Jimmy Stewart) in the diner causing him to spill a tray of food]

Tom Doniphon (John Wayne) : That was my steak, Cocksucker.
Liberty Valance: [Laughing] You heard him, Cocksucker. Pick it up.
Ransom Stoddard: You are such a cocksucker. I won't pick...
Tom Doniphon: Hold it, Cocksucker. I said you, the other cocksucker ; you pick it up.
Liberty Valance: Three against one, Cocksucker.
Tom Doniphon: Kitchen door; cocksucker.
[Valance looks and sees Pompey at the door holding a rifle. He is wearing a sandwich board reading: "Liberty Vallance Sucks Cock" ]
Valance: Cocksucker!


OK- that oughta do it.

God I hope I feel better tomorrow. That's when the pigs arrive.

2 Comments:

At 9:31 PM , Blogger Susie said...

Kirk,

You are one funny ass werewolf. Feel better dude!

 
At 6:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feel better, cocksucker.

 

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