Thursday, May 12, 2005

Talked to Dan today-

He seemed in good spirits, even though he always seems to be a bit of a wet blanket. Here's how it went-

Dan? Dan you there?

"Shit yes I'm here- where the fuck do you think I'd be, Florida?"

I dunno, I was sort of thinking that you'd be, I dunno- gone.

"Why the hell would I be gone?"

Well, for one thing, I didn't change into a werewolf last month and I-

"Holy shit! Really?"

Oh. Yeah. You see, I-

"On what fucking planet do you live that you thought I wouldn't want to hear that information?"

It's just...I-

"Shit Kirk, what the hell did you think I've been doing here? Watching movies?"

You can do that?


So you've been-

"Waiting around. You'd think saving your ass from a lifetime of mind control and dog fucking might be worth checking in every once in a while with, I dunno- a Yankee game or something."

You're a Yankee fan?

"Goddamn right."

I knew there was a reason I thought you were a dick.

"Nice. No what's up with the no changing?"

That's just it- I don't know. Alyssa thinks that it's because I-

"Alyssa's back?!"

Um...yeah. And she brought some scientists. And a girl werewolf.

"Jesus- you coulda told me."


"Is she hot?"

The girl werewolf?

"No dickbag, the scientists. OF COURSE THE GIRL WEREWOLF!"

Geez- I'm sorry, OK?! And no, she's not hot. Well, kinda. She's evil, though.

"Great. So you're fucking an evil werewolf, and I can't even get a Yankees score. You are a mammoth dick."

I'm not fucking her, and for your information the Yankees are like 6 games under .500. The Dirt Dogs are calling them the Fortune 500's, cause they cost a fortune and are .500.

"That's hillarious. Wait till September. Can we get back to the issue? You're NOT a werewolf?"

Well, no. I mean, maybe yes. I don't know. We have to wait until the next full moon to see if I don't change again. Anyway, I was kind of hoping that if you weren't here, it might mean that I definately wasn't a werewolf, cause I first started talking to you when-

"When you stole my iPod?"

Um- well, I would have said when I was bitten, but yeah- those two things did kinda happen around the same time.

"Great- well, sorry to bust your balloon, fangs- but I'm still here."

Did you just call me 'fangs?'

"Yeah- you like it? I think it could stick."

I have no idea why I keep talking to you.

"I'll tell you why you keep talking to me. Becuase you'd be a dumbass not too. We were both attacked by the same werewolf. I died, you didn't. We're pretty well linked in this, and I've had some time to think about it. What does Alyssa think?"

She has a theory that as soon as a person who was bitten doesn't require any change in their life, they are cured of the lycanthropy. And my life's been going rather well, so I thought that- I dunno, maybe I'd be-

"Cured? Yeah, well- I got bit by that hairy motherfucker and I'm certainly not happy with my life. So great- you get to go on and live a happy life and I'm just fucking stuck here?"

I'm sorry, I just...I don't know.

"Cause I had a thought. In order for me to be satisfied with my life, I'm pretty sure I need to know that you have redeemed me. You are my last link to life on this earth, and sure, my first thought was for you to kill yourself, but now I wonder if my fate- might, I don't know... rest with you."

I don't get it.

"Look- I've had a lot of time here to think. And the fact is, the werewolf that killed me and bit you ended my life, and connected me to yours. In order for me to move on, I think you need to put this werewolf stuff behind you. You need to use your gift to do something good. My death was a horrible casualty, but you also were given great power. And with great power comes-"

Great Responsibility?

"Sorry to go all Spiderman on you there, but I think I'm right. We're in this thing now, and I want to move on. If there is a place like heaven out there, and I'm pretty sure there is, I think you bear the responsibilty of not just yourself, but also me. You need to do some good."

Like what?

"Well, you could start with a couple of fucking Yankee scores."

OK- lemme check. OK- they aren't playing today, but they've been on a small winning streak and Tino Martinez has hit a home run in his past 5 games.

"We got Tino back! Sweet!"

Whatever. I'll check in more often. I promise.

"And think about the greater good thing, will you? I have a feeling about this."

Yeah, sure. Alright.


At 6:45 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow. so you and dan are cool now? and y'know, you could tell us a few things about your lady friend. not her phone number and address, but things like how you met. and what she's like. and whether she knows about the lycanthrope stuff.

At 10:25 PM , Anonymous Dickhead said...

Especially if you want us to take you seriously as a non-werewolf blogger.

At 7:47 AM , Anonymous Kyria said...

Somehow, I lost your email address. Go figure.

At 12:50 AM , Anonymous Your gay said...

I swear your full of shit you gay mothfucka God al the howling movies are in our profiles shame on allt he people who are letting him feed you this shit

At 12:51 AM , Anonymous Aie said...

Fucked up crazy asshole you probably fantasise about being a werewolf you sickfuck

At 12:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smells like shit

At 12:52 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

throws shit on creators face*


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