Thursday, December 16, 2004

Sorry everyone.

Hey- it's Kirk again.

While I was at work yesterday, Alyssa got on my computer and posted that last message. My blogger account is set up to remember me, so anyone can access it by going through my internet bookmarks.

We've had a long talk.

Anyway, everything Alyssa said is true. I am not a werewolf- I guess I was just a little bit bored with my life, and wanted to try to spice things up a little. The internet is weird that way. Then, next thing I knew, fanatical apathy, memepool, and monkeyfilter picked it up, and a whole lot of people got affected. I'd also like to thank all the bloggers and live journal kids who gave me a link. It was fun.

Anyway, I've been having a great time with Alyssa lately, and she has big problems with this. So, regretfully, I should tell you that this will be the last post on whatishappeningtome as you know it. The blog will be taken down, and replaced with another blog, also called what is happening to me, but instead of silly, fictional werewolf content it will be all about a drunken college frat guy who has run-ins with police and enjoys writing about boobs. That oughta throw people off.

Either way, it's been a lot of fun, and again, I'm sorry if I gave anyone the wrong idea.

Werewolves are not real.

Best wishes to everyone who read and enjoyed this thing, and perhaps I'll see you again.


Kirk (the non-werewolf)

OK- is anybody still here?


So, here's the deal.
A couple nights ago, in bed, I told Alyssa about the blog and she fucking FLIPPED, man. She started saying all this junk about how someone would find us, the cops would be hip, she'd be arrested and I'd be killed, and how stupid it is to have a record of this stuff if it ever came down to a day in court. I wrote the above message for her benefit (she's not much of a scroller). Ostensibly, she's right, and I think I might be in love with her, but really- she was working for a fulltime werewolf hunter and even he wasn't hip to this.

I really don't think that people take this medium seriously- everyone in the mainstream thinks of the internet and blog culture as this twisted, awful sea of unsubstantiated lies, teen pornography, and reckless timewasting created by irresponsible journalists, propagandists and the incurably bored- all unbound by any journalistic code of ethics.

Sometimes I think that myself.

Either way, that can work for me. And honestly, I need this journal.

It helps.

Whatever ends up happening to me, and to be honest, bad things could, I want to have some record of this that I can't destroy. I want something out there that lets people know that this is who I was and this is what I went through. If I write it on paper, well- who knows. I'm a fucking monster after all- I mean, what if a band of villagers surround my house with pitchforks and torches and burn it, and me, to the ground?

I know, it's Williamsburg Brooklyn, so it's unlikely that anyone actually owns a pitchfork, but you know what I'm saying. There are a lot of things in my life that have gone on in the past three months that I would have previously thought impossible. So bear with me here, OK?

As far as Alyssa is concerned, when she hits the "What is happening to me" bookmark on this computer, she'll be sent to this What is happening to me? That's the blog I referenced above, and is good for a laugh, if you're into making fun of fratboys. Just to give you a taste, it includes this pretty amazing passage:

Monday, August 30, 2004
I know I haven't posted in a while, but with work and the bars, I really haven't had time. however, Hayden said something that could not go without repeating...
SailinIrie: the girl all the way to the right
SailinIrie: annie
SailinIrie: fuuuuuuuuuuuuck
SailinIrie: her breasts are worth fighting a war over

Wow. Did I tell you?

Ah Hayden. Your wit is that of legend.

"Could not go without repeating" indeed.

I'll keep posting here, and I thank you for your support.

But seriously, don't rat me out.

Not only could it get me in serious trouble, but Alyssa might never sleep with me again.


At 1:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just had a thought...

We know that lycanthropy is a communicable disease, through bites or scratches when in wolf form, but is there any information that it's not communicable through other forms of contact, say through bodily fluids? ... and can Lycanthropy only be spread when in wolf form?

So this might be a personal question, but have you and Alyssa been practicing safe sex?

I'd hate you to find yourself , during the next full moon cycle, trapped in a cage whilst your new girlfriend is rampaging around NYC in lupine form killing people and creating new werewolves, having all the fun.


At 3:31 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try anal sex.

At 5:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kirk, I think you need to try finding a girl who's a little more PC. You are in F*#king New York for christ sake. It is totally backward to be freaking over your backround. Where did you find this girl, Pittsburgh?

She should know better! It's not like you chose to be a werewolf - you were chosen. She should feel f*#cking honored to be with such a special guy.

God I hate ignorant, nescient people!

At 6:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jeez, you almost had me there! Thank goodness I'm a scroller!

One of the above posters mentioned practicing safe sex. That's probably something to keep in mind. Considering that lycanthropy seems to be quite possibly passed through the saliva by a werewolf bite, it might be prudent to use an oral dam as well!

Play safe!


At 11:34 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy, you people, you sound like 6-year-olds! "Ooo, do you think she'll get lycanthropy, by kissing him?!!"


Safe sex? That's their business. Frankly, I'm much more than half-curious what the kids would be like.


At 1:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hrm, if she is into werewolves and also humans, does that make her bisexual? Bispecial? I might recommend Zooskool ( to her if that's her thing. It seems like a very respectable site and what-not. Nicely designed. Or maybe she just "plays for the werewolf team." Which is of course perfectably fine as well, you know? No need to judge and all of that. If she starts making you wear a tail when the moon is waning however Kirk - remember that you can have your boundries and that's OK, too. Of course, a little experimentation never hurt anybody...


At 2:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa! Maybe you didn't need to rent Dracula after all. Congratulations man, it's good to see someone you're rooting for get some *ahem* tail...Seriously though, be good to her. She's obviously considerably more understanding about your condition than most women,I bet.

Man, I'm kinda worried about Jeff. I mean, where did we catch his ass in the first place? Can't we go back there? Wouldn't the neighbors be able to tell you if he'd left or not? If nothing else maybe you can sniff around and try to find his trail.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home